Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
