Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
