I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You are the jesus of drinking
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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