One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
