i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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