She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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