I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
