so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
