You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
