Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
