Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
