2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
