You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
