Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
