Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
