he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
