he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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