oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
