If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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