weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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