If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
