using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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