Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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