In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
