By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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