is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
