i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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