So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
