I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
