Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
