drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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