the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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