i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
