its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
