u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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