this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
