i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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