Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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