my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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