I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
