A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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