Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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