Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
