He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
