ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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