sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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