smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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