just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
