you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just had sex bonerless
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
