Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
