he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
