and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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