This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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