It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
