Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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