She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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