the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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