So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
