Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
