You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
