remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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