He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
