did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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