Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
