Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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