low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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