I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
