dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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