This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
