Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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