i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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