Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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