Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
