K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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