i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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