THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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