wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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